I know why Forrest Gump ran

He ran because he had lost something. Though he was such a simple person, it was beautiful how huge he felt all of the time. Some say that the reason people learn about other people with mental disorders is because they tell us something about ourselves, us "normal" people. Forrest Gump told me something about myself, about why I was running so hard today, I ran so hard. I ran through the trees on the unpaved trails, in my new running shoes, crisp white right through the spring thaw, through all of that mud, with the new red-winged blackbirds and mallards and even a great blue heron around me, I ran as hard as i could, sliding and sloshing, i couldn't stop. and although they are muddy my shoes are not ruined. nothing is ruined, Forrest new that he just had to get it out.

And I just learned, today, that I also need to get it out, to run, in a way. I need expression, i need to channel anger, because i have a lot of positive anger in me, i think that i am a passionate person, i've learned that i am turning into a man, that I can make mistakes and the mistakes i take credit for now will not have to come out in the future. because right now hurting or disappointing myself makes me stronger. i also learned that mediums of expression i've used in the past won't necessarily be right for me today, i've learned that there are many things to explore about my capabilities, i've learned that i have marketable skills in many areas, that i CAN get a job and do it well, that i am not as stupid as i previously thought, i learn quickly and i have a lot to show for that. i love myself today. I can do it.


1 comment:

Caitlin said...

god. i love this. thanks for sharing it with me. you have every right in the world to be so excited and SO proud of yourself! it will only grow in the coming years. kostya, you got it. :)