12/09/2010

Wandering Angus

THE SONG OF WANDERING AENGUS

by: W.B. Yeats

I went out to the hazel wood,
Because a fire was in my head,
And cut and peeled a hazel wand,
And hooked a berry to a thread;

And when white moths were on the wing,
And moth-like stars were flickering out,
I dropped the berry in a stream
And caught a little silver trout.

When I had laid it on the floor
I went to blow the fire a-flame,
But something rustled on the floor,
And some one called me by my name:
It had become a glimmering girl
With apple blossom in her hair
Who called me by my name and ran
And faded through the brightening air.

Though I am old with wandering
Through hollow lands and hilly lands,
I will find out where she has gone,
And kiss her lips and take her hands;
And walk among long dappled grass,
And pluck till time and times are done
The silver apples of the moon,
The golden apples of the sun.

12/03/2010

are you doubting grad school?

-I realized that when i'm ready for a change i'll know it and be excited for it and it will feel right because it is something i want to do.-

I think about these things constantly. Though I suppose I am in a good position to apply to graduate school, there still involves some degree of risk. After reading The Fountainhead, I really applied Rand's philosophy. In most of life's crossroads, I believe, you can't really see what's going to happen in either direction, but you have to pick one, ultimately. I believe in sticking with that choice 100%, no regrets. Give it your whole heart, and let nothing dissuade you that it was the wrong decision.

I think it is an empowering perspective. So with graduate school, I just think it is a direction I have to actively make myself follow. It is a lot of work, its hard, its frustrating, I lost sleep this week, it doesn't sound like a good deal. But science is my life and I know that I can reap infinite reward from going to graduate school and being a scientist. I am motivated by that. i am motivated by my curiosity. But that doesn't mean I don't doubt the idea or that I weigh the situation heavily often, because I do. But I don't really like regret, I've had too much in my life.

No one should be able to criticize what you choose, even if its sticking around Sitka because you love it there just a little longer. Eventually, something will click. That's what happened with me. And ironically, it had to do with my feeling happy in Boston and establishing a rich life here. Weird that I would feel ready to potentially leave once I found a home. This is worth investigating.


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