Christmas Baking

Wandering Angus

THE SONG OF WANDERING AENGUS

by: W.B. Yeats

I went out to the hazel wood,
Because a fire was in my head,
And cut and peeled a hazel wand,
And hooked a berry to a thread;

And when white moths were on the wing,
And moth-like stars were flickering out,
I dropped the berry in a stream
And caught a little silver trout.

When I had laid it on the floor
I went to blow the fire a-flame,
But something rustled on the floor,
And some one called me by my name:
It had become a glimmering girl
With apple blossom in her hair
Who called me by my name and ran
And faded through the brightening air.

Though I am old with wandering
Through hollow lands and hilly lands,
I will find out where she has gone,
And kiss her lips and take her hands;
And walk among long dappled grass,
And pluck till time and times are done
The silver apples of the moon,
The golden apples of the sun.

are you doubting grad school?

-I realized that when i'm ready for a change i'll know it and be excited for it and it will feel right because it is something i want to do.-

I think about these things constantly. Though I suppose I am in a good position to apply to graduate school, there still involves some degree of risk. After reading The Fountainhead, I really applied Rand's philosophy. In most of life's crossroads, I believe, you can't really see what's going to happen in either direction, but you have to pick one, ultimately. I believe in sticking with that choice 100%, no regrets. Give it your whole heart, and let nothing dissuade you that it was the wrong decision.

I think it is an empowering perspective. So with graduate school, I just think it is a direction I have to actively make myself follow. It is a lot of work, its hard, its frustrating, I lost sleep this week, it doesn't sound like a good deal. But science is my life and I know that I can reap infinite reward from going to graduate school and being a scientist. I am motivated by that. i am motivated by my curiosity. But that doesn't mean I don't doubt the idea or that I weigh the situation heavily often, because I do. But I don't really like regret, I've had too much in my life.

No one should be able to criticize what you choose, even if its sticking around Sitka because you love it there just a little longer. Eventually, something will click. That's what happened with me. And ironically, it had to do with my feeling happy in Boston and establishing a rich life here. Weird that I would feel ready to potentially leave once I found a home. This is worth investigating.

lets go see these together

UP THERE from Jon on Vimeo.

Painters that create whole building-side advertisements. It is incredible how they are able to keep scale and proportion so accurate on such a massive canvas. And they're so modest. Next time I am in New York, I'll definitely be looking for these.

West Virginia in the Fall

I spent Thanksgiving in Martinsburg where I first lived when I moved to the states.  I flew into Dulles International from Boston, but I realized when I exited the plane that it was the airport I flew into when I first came to this country.

My brother Max lives on this farm now outside the city.  He is one of the children of the family that hosted/sponsored my mother and I for the first years of our lives here in America.  I enjoyed walking around the farm and looking at the decaying apple orchard.  It was very still and quiet, it looked like all of the dead apples were waiting for something that would happen any minute.

Beautiful. I am happy I went for this walk.  This trip comes at a time when I am applying for graduate school and having a difficult time expressing myself fully in the essays I am writing.  This requires a lot of mental effort compared to writing for this blog.  I am trying to write this way but it is very difficult.  I hope you enjoy these images, I really like the patterns here in the Appalachian foothills.


 
























   

one of my favorite photographs

This was taken in 1969 by Michael Collins as the lunar lander returned to the orbiter above the moon.  How fascinating, because here in this photograph, Collins is the loneliest human in the universe.  Here, he has captured an image of everything known to us as ordinary people: the moon, the sun's light, and every human alive, except for the photographer.  In this image, Collins is excluded.  Behind the lens is a void and one human being.  How absolutely amazing.

I was thinking about watching the movie The Moon  tonight but I am afraid that I will feel too lonely myself.  Though in reality I am not lonely and nor do I feel that way right now.  Perhaps I want to escape the applications I am writing right now to graduate school and to curl up in my bed and watch something that is distant and freeing.  Though I cannot imagine the feeling that Mr. Collins had up there taking this photograph, having nothing to fall back on if he did lose hold and if the moon let him suddenly go.

Do I have something to fall back on?  Yes, some dreams and some idealizations.  Perhaps on love and on non-careers.  Manual labor and art and creativity.  Perhaps I would attend graduate school in the humanities and develop my writing better, to learn about history and about thinking.  I would study the modern era and the history of science around the world.  Do I really doubt myself so much that I will not move forward next year?  I suppose that question is relative.

What will you fall back on?

New inspiration for the week

Can you believe this revisionist nature painting?  Fall in love with it with me.

 Tiffany Bozic

Walton Ford, alternating. 

These paintings make me feel very very good and remind me about being a scientist and about everything we are missing, all the details.  Please improve your relationship to nature like these artists have.  This article i received in the inbox today was very interesting to read.  These ideas made me wish I had a car or more time to travel out of the city by train to look at natural settings more often. 

This painting by Thomas Cole is a scene from Mount Holyoke in Massachusetts and I'm worried I'll never see it.

Like swallowing Seagulls

"This weekend i learned that sometimes whales swallow birds by accident. jan straley sitka's whale biologist said one of her friends once saw a humpback acting very strangely and shaking it's head back and forth. finally it opened its mouth and a seagull flew out. My week has been kind of like that so far. like swallowing seagulls. a new experience that's not very pleasant but ends well for everyone." KJackson

I was appreciated last tuesday, no documents required.

oh, i really like this poem. Last tuesday was my birthday. Here's to the slow understanding that comes with age that the birthday is just another day. A reminder that you're alive on this planet, just for a little bit. It was a great birthday, all the same.

Passing Through
by Stanley Kunitz
—on my seventy-ninth birthday

Nobody in the widow's household
ever celebrated anniversaries.
In the secrecy of my room
I would not admit I cared
that my friends were given parties.
Before I left town for school
my birthday went up in smoke
in a fire at City Hall that gutted
the Department of Vital Statistics.
If it weren't for a census report
of a five-year-old White Male
sharing my mother's address
at the Green Street tenement in Worcester
I'd have no documentary proof
that I exist. You are the first,
my dear, to bully me
into these festive occasions.

Sometimes, you say, I wear
an abstracted look that drives you
up the wall, as though it signified
distress or disaffection.
Don't take it so to heart.
Maybe I enjoy not-being as much
as being who I am. Maybe
it's time for me to practice
growing old. The way I look
at it, I'm passing through a phase:
gradually I'm changing to a word.
Whatever you choose to claim
of me is always yours;
nothing is truly mine
except my name. I only
borrowed this dust.

Track me on my trip

sharing the biking love

Hi Kostya!
I just wanted to let you know that you have indirectly inspired multiple first time bike rides to work today. Earlier this summer, I told my sister that she should bike to work because it's the best, and she bought a bike yesterday and rode to work today! And my mom has been talking all summer about how she's going to ride my bike to work, and she finally did for the first time today! (Completely coincidental that it happened on the same day... or cosmic.)
Hope all is well,
Sarah

Reflections in windows of a forgotten workstation

These were taken at an old automobile service station that is on my way to work. It is actually a building I pass about 5 minutes before I get to my hospital, but I'd wager that many people at McLean aren't aware that this sits there.
These were taken at an old automobile service station that is on my way to work. It is actually a building I pass about 5 minutes before I get to my hospital, but I'd wager that many people at McLean aren't aware that this sits there. It is empty and just a little bit creepy because I felt like I was the only one around. Everyone else was in a car speeding by. Fascinating, I think. What I really like about this building is that there is still some architectural input and influence. They are slight and probably were kept to a minimum based on the utilitarian purpose of this building but they are still quite apparent. The curvature of the office building, the typeface of the sign's letters, the brick design. To me, these are references to another time. Perhaps this building was constructed in the 50's or 60's. What made people add a unique touch to their buildings then? Today, buildings created for this purpose are identical and located in the expected places next to strip malls and car dealerships. I like that this one is kind of lost along this lonely road, far away from any of that. A physical representation of utilitarian aesthetics that seems to have left the canonical convention. Pay attention to these hidden cues in other buildings as you walk around your city. Places in their cramped facades where someone may have added a hand's touch or an extra hour of work.
























I also found this guy next to this building. The first sight of him made me stop and gasp, literally.